The 10 Best Questions for Surviving Breast Cancer: The Script You Need to Take Control of Your Health - Softcover

Introduction

The most important questions are often the ones you didn't know to ask. Even the best doctors in the world can't give you the right answers unless you ask them the right questions first.

But how do you know what the right questions are? "Ask your doctor." You've heard it a million times, but do you really know what to ask? What if you don't know very much about breast cancer yet, feel intimated by your doctor's expertise, or just feel simply overwhelmed by this diagnosis?

More than ten years ago my mother suffered a major heart attack. As I nervously watched the monitors' readings of her vital signs bounce around, it occurred to me that I didn't know what to ask the doctors about her condition. In that moment of feeling totally helpless, the only thing I could control was my questions. But I just didn't know what to ask.

I vowed to learn how to ask better questions. When I started taking my mom to her follow-up doctor appointments, I spent time researching her medical options and planning questions for her doctor. I wanted to be a well-informed consumer for her sake, to make sure she was getting the very best possible care.

This experience sparked my interest in questioning skills. As I read about questions, I was surprised to learn how little attention people pay to questions in general. It seems that our society is so focused on solutions and answers that we rarely ever stop to consider the quality of our questions.

I started teaching questioning skills as part of the graduate-level business classes I teach in Washington, D.C., and Perth, Australia. My students liked it so much that I developed the concept of "The 10 Best Questions" as a way for them to learn questioning skills, team dynamics, and research skills all at once. For more than five years, I've taught hundreds of students who have interviewed thousands of experts. For example, my students have researched what to ask when you buy a house, get engaged, adopt a dog, hire a financial planner, invest in stocks, retire, plan a wedding, start a diet, and look for great sex.

To learn more about questions, I did a series of interviews with people known for their questioning skills to try to discover their secrets. Helen Thomas, the legendary White House reporter, is famous for her press conference questions to every president since John F. Kennedy. She told me, "Before a news conference I would think, what's the best question to ask?...I have the courage of ignorance in my questions.... I always get nervous, figuring out what to ask a president. But I believe you have to be curious and keep asking why."

Peter Block, an international management consultant and the author of the book, The Answer to How Is Yes, said, "There's a deeper meaning to asking questions. It's a stance you take in the world, a desire to make contact and get connected."

I talked with professional interviewers like Susan Sikora, a TV talk-show host in San Francisco; Debbie Nigro, a New York radio host; and Richard Koonce, a journalist and consultant in Brookline, Massachusetts. From each I heard a version of "you are only as good as the questions you ask." For this book, I interviewed experts in oncology, breast surgery, relationships, and financial planning.

So, who are the best question askers? They are smart, curious, and fearless, yet humble enough to learn from someone else. They value listening and inquiry. Great question askers see every person they meet as a "walking encyclopedia" of valuable information just waiting to be unlocked by the right questions. And finally, as Albert Einstein once said, "The difference between me and everyone else is my ability to ask the right questions."

The 10 Best Questions in this book won't make you an instant Einstein. And as "The Question Doctor," I certainly don't claim any Einstein-like brilliance either. I simply believe that a good mind knows the right answers, but a great mind knows the right questions.

Each chapter has a "Best Questions" list, plus one more question that I call "The Magic Question." A "magic question" is the one that even smart people rarely think to ask because it's a "gut-level" question without an obvious answer. I've also tried to include the "best answers" for each question so you'll know when you are hearing the full story.

In writing this book, I've taken a practical and holistic approach to researching the "Best Questions" to make you a "best-informed patient." My focus is to help your decisions, choices, and relationships by suggesting what you can ask your doctors, medical experts, partner, family, friends, and ultimately yourself after a diagnosis of breast cancer.

Your lifetime prescription for good health is to stay informed. Former surgeon general Dr. C. Everett Koop told me he believes, "There's nothing that will lead to better medical care than a knowledgeable patient."

Asking the 10 Best Questions in this book gives you the actual script in hand for each major conversation and decision you will soon be facing in the event of a breast cancer diagnosis. At the same time, be sure to ask plenty of your own questions, too. As Helen Thomas concludes, "There's no such thing as a bad question, only a lot of bad answers."

Copyright 2008 by 10 Best Questions, LLC